Up the Republic!

Speaking of the rule of authority, I am the author of this account and of every song, poem, story, script, cartoon, and statement it contains. Only a complete hypocrite would preach the rule of authority after showing such disrespect for my authority. (The following is an equal time rebuttal to Fuzzy Zithers's statements broadcast on Democracy at Once!. Our guest speaker this evening is Mister Earl Yokel of Red County.) Who the Hell let that hippie onto television? Are you nuts? Did you hear what he said? He wants to start a bloody revolution! I think we had enough of his kind of trouble making in the 1960's. Let's try to learn from history. While seizing and brutalizing the upper class might feel good in the moment, it is a dead end exercise. After you string up your boss, who's going to pay your salary? They tried communism in Russia and it didn't work. It just sent all their shoppers to the black market. I was watching a program about the end of the Stone Age last night that made a lot of sense. Real civilization began with military dictatorship. Until the invention of bronze, all anyone was doing was hanging around in communes, getting stoned on ergot. It took bronze weaponry and hierarchical organization to get us on our feet, advancing towards some kind of progress. What do you want on your plate, sunflower seeds or stew? If you want that stew, you must be tough. You must be disciplined. You must be organized. And above all, you must have superior weapons. Our founding fathers modeled this land after the great Roman republic of our ancestors. Just as Rome dominated the ancient world, we now dominate the modern world. And if there's one rule of Roman society, it's the rule of authority. You damn well respected your superiors or you found yourself pinned naked to a cross. I don't care much for Mister Zithers's music either. I'd take the good honest sound of Hank Williams over that bug music any old time. So instead of attacking the rich and powerful, let's organize a posse and chase that crazy anarchist back to Soviet Canuckistan where he came from!
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© 2007, 2015. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.