Heard It Not from Dateline

We-ell I heard it not from Dateline That you said my songs were not mine Well, I hope you had a great time If that dick of yours has just been signed... Yes, I heard it through the grapevine that a certain antisemite, recently accused in this account of illegally stealing and performing my songs, has had his dick signed with the name Hateful. Are you reading this, you who tried to get away with holding your nose as you walked by me about twenty minutes ago at the corner of Commercial Drive and Hastings? Did I surprise you by confronting you about your rude behavior? Are you a fan of Mister Hateful? Or did someone already tell you that I'm the person who was punished. Well, I'll just let this blog post stay online and argue for me, the same way everything I've shared in the last few years of this nature has stayed online to argue for me. I'm sure you'll be convinced by the time I leave town next year. And I don't need your support to accomplish my aims. Canadian offenders who are accustomed to the soft, lenient Canadian style of crime's punishment should be warned that copyright law is international. The punishments for copyright offenses have been agreed upon by all the countries of the world, many of which punish their criminals with far greater severity than we do here. For instance, you might get your hand cut off for stealing in some Middle Eastern countries or you might be publicly caned for mischief in some Asian countries. If you steal my songs or blogs and lie to the world with them, you offend people with stricter standards of justice and you will be punished accordingly. With this name, Hateful, I must gather that this offender is local. I guess he is the one who has been bombarding me with the word 'hat' all summer long, while Dateline bombarded me with the word, 'hick'. Really wrecked my summer, hearing such malicious hate on such a continuous basis. It reminds me of when I used to have to hear 'maybe you're gay' over and over again in early 2010 because Dean told the world that those were the words he wrote on my dick while he was pretending to be rock star on TV with over four hours of my music. Good people, my enemies are sure to tell you that this offender was not punished by my hand. They're right. I am not involved in the punishment of criminals. That is left to law enforcement officials. I wouldn't want people to think of me as some stern authoritarian when all I am is an artist who suffers from constant attacks against his work and name. By the way, all these backstabbers are complete strangers to me. I know them only by reports of their offenses against me. Another lie I heard about was that I personally witnessed the punishment of one of the violators of my copyrights by sharing a prison cell with him. This lie was told some time ago, and only the slowest, dumbest people would fall for it after I have added so many more counts of fraud to the case I will be making against those crooked corporate broadcasters and their lying media. Such slow, dumb people would include the above mentioned woman, who held her nose as she walked by me, that person I sat next to in the library two days ago, who got up from his chair and sat further away from me, and perhaps the owner of the large, aggressive pitbull who attacked me this morning on my way here. I'm lucky I was wearing my coat because he bit right through it as he seized me by the back and flung me to the pavement. I'm lucky his owner, a native woman, had strong enough arms to pull him off of me. I'm also lucky I'm not a small child or I might be on my way to the hospital right now with a severed limb. Anyway, I'll be carrying a canister of pepper spray if I'm walking by that place next to the Chevron station on Hastings (between Clark and Commercial Drive) and if I sense danger, my policy will be to spray first and ask questions later.
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