CBS the Schlock

CBS, I'm so disappointed in you. Aren't you the least bit grateful to me for what I did to NBC's late night schedule? Didn't I help to avenge your Letterman by getting that prick Leno incarcerated? And how do you thank me? By sticking that bitch Madonna on your stupid the Talk to assault my eyes when I went to the bank this afternoon. Shame on you! You're just as bad as the others! And I would have favored you out of my fondness for shows like Star Trek and MASH. I've left you alone. Why have you betrayed me? Readers, I know I said a few nice things about Madonna back in 2011, before I knew the extent of her role in the crimes against me. Please dismiss them all now. I was told that she went to prison in 2014 and that she would remain incarcerated until she learned how to play the guitar. For anyone who recalls that 2008 concert she did in Vancouver, which ended with her pretending to strum a chord on a guitar that looked like mine just before she left the stage, she waved at me. I guess she was waving good bye. In January 2008, I wrote Under My Umbrella (on the guitar) and erased it soon after. It's a nice tune, but I prefer my epic sounding rock, which is far more powerful and impressive to my ears. Did Madonna think that Beyonce should have it? That summer, I found work at the crooked staffing company, Nasco - read my post What Happened at Nasco (Statements Index) - which sent me to BC Place to work on the setup for the Madonna show. My very first day on the job, a WEA scout showed up and played a cassette of my 2007 songs on the loudspeakers to see if I remembered them. They sounded like my songs, but I couldn't remember the words because someone had stolen this cassette from my person almost a year earlier and I had moved on to other thoughts in the meantime. But then I swear I heard Madonna's voice in my head saying, those are your songs. So I bet Madonna knew exactly what was going on and just let it all happen. At her show, one of her crew sent me to collect something on the forklift and I heard Madonna's voice saying fetch, doggie-doggie! This should give you some indication of her real character. A stagehand told me that she lip synched all her songs. It wouldn't surprise me. She wanted me to lower a massive, fully loaded, sixteen wheel trailer that looked like a battleship suspended over our heads, using only four little forklifts, one operator on each corner, and I might not even be here to type this note if I had not refused. Finally, at the end of the show, she put my safety at risk again by making me spend five minutes forklifting a load from a high location and putting it back down again, with my forks extended to minimize stability. When I heard that a structure collapsed at one of her European shows later that year, injuring and killing[?] her workers, I wasn't surprised. CBS, why do you need Madonna? How long has she been a star now? Since 1985? Has no one else come along in all that time? If they did, maybe Madonna killed them so she could stay on top. I guess you support this kind of thing. I'm deeply disappointed. Really, I'm hurt. You wouldn't need such dinosaur stars and their mediocre songs if you had just a shred of respect for up-and-coming talent.
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© 2015. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.