Lying through His Teeth

Desperate to keep his job, the seventeenth century explorer, Marc LaBalle, lied to the French king to receive support for his second voyage to the New World. King: I am very disappointed in you, LaBalle. I turned the pockets of peasants inside out to pay for your voyage and all you bring back is fish! LaBalle: But look at the size of that mackerel, Majesty. Big enough to feed a family of peasants for more than a month. King: I did not pay you their money to explore for them! The Spanish crown grows richer by the hour from gold mines and the English crown grows even richer from piracy! I need gold, LaBalle. Gold! LaBalle: That is why you must send me on another voyage, Majesty. We found gold but we were not properly equipped to recover it. King: Impossible! I gave you everything! LaBalle: Everything for a surface exploration, but the gold is underwater. King: Mon Dieu! I did not think of that. LaBalle: The natives led us to the site of what used to be a whole kingdom made out of gold. It was drowned by a flood and now lies hidden beneath the waves of the Louisiana coast. The Spanish don't know a thing about it. King: Well, if it is underwater, how did you know it was even there? LaBalle: The tip of its solid gold flagpole still protrudes well above sea level, a rest stop for seagulls. King: Show me this flagpole. LaBalle: As I said, Majesty, we lacked proper equipment. Our pics and shovels were useless. But our ship's artist made this sketch for you. (He hands the king a piece of paper to scrutinize with a magnifying glass.) King: I see. Yes, the shadows and foreshortening appear to be authentic, but I would still like to see some hard evidence. LaBalle: Of course. We were able to chip away these few small samples. (He hands the king a pouch to pour out and examine on a table.) King: That's gold, all right. Very well, I shall sponsor another voyage out of my own pocket, but if you fail, you'd better not come back. LaBalle: (Kissing the king's hand) Thank you, most generous Majesty! You will not be disappointed. And may I recruit a specialist to ensure the success of this vital mission? King: Who did you have in mind? LaBalle: (Stroking his forehead) I think his name is... ah yes, Monsieur Cousteau. King: You shall have him and all the tools you need. Would you care to join me for a bowl of ice cream before you go? LaBalle: (Wincing and holding his jaw) No, thank you, Majesty. It... uh... gives me pimples.
Comedy Sketches Cartoons Arguments Copyright Issues Lyrics Poems
More Scripts Statements Songs
© 2007, 2015. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.