The Balogne Bulletin

So Saturday Night Live knows how to read these things. They must be talented. Today on the Balogne Bulletin, an author's dispute with an influential P.R. firm has resulted in his confinement on charges of crimes against humanity. Facing the chair, he pleads that his sentence is commuted to watching four concurrent broadcasts of Real Time. After a terrible accident, Flexico is ordering a full recall of its new storm proof umbrella. Tethered to the sturdy apparatus by a safety noose, an unfortunate gentleman was swept up in a gust of wind and electrocuted against overhanging hydro wires. The producers of the sunscreen additive UV-360 are building a large plant in central Antarctica. It is hoped that exhaust fumes from their manufacturing will repair the polar hole in the ozone layer. Researchers conducting a controversial experiment to give the power of speech to lower primates report a startling breakthrough. This morning, their test subject, an adult chimpanzee, cried out: 'What the fuck are you doing to me?' And a radical reformer wants to reverse a modern trend. Calling women 'undisciplined and trigger-happy' and citing the need to protect their precious wombs, he wants to exclude women from military service. Accused of misogyny, he indignantly replied that he has never been divorced.
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© 2007, 2015. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.