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Today on the Balogne Bulletin, a group of revisionists has altered our news reports of the last ten years to make our official records agree more with the present. Please dismiss any Balogne Bulletins dating back to December 5, 2005, which contradict what we're telling you now. The Ministry of Defense stands by its 1930's offer of a thousand dollars cash for the first person to build a successful death-ray. A towering contraption by a Polish Canadian engineer proved ineffective on targets larger than a horsefly. Another inventor is aggrieved by his bank's seizure of his time machine. He says he can't go back and pay his bills on time without it. Is evolution outsmarting us? With average IQ scores in schools rising by another five percent, we could be in for trouble. Theorists warn that if the trend continues, we could soon succumb to the bleak tyranny of a restless toddler with omnipotent mental powers. And the North Pole continues to heat up as the elves' strike enters its second week at Santa's workshop. Complaining of bitter cold and gulag-like accommodations, the elves demand shoes and extra helpings of gruel. Santa threatens to replace them with cherubs if they don't return to work immediately. |
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| © 2007, 2015. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved. |
Saturday, December 5, 2015
The Balogne Bulletin
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