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Good afternoon, and welcome to another enlightening lesson in the art of cuisine. I'm the Stampeding Epicure. Did you ever wonder what goes into that soft meat paste they use for sandwich spread? Down at the butcher shop, there's a room behind the counter where an illegal immigrant with a pair of pliers sits on a chair next to a pail of eyelids, plucking out hairs. If you haggle, he'll sell you the whole pail for five bucks and throw in a shovel full of snouts. I'm just going to take a cup of each and load the blender with it. Set it to puree. (Speaking over the whirring motor) Leave it in there until slimy suds form on its liquified surface. Then uncover, pour into a mixing bowl, add half a box of flour and a teaspoon of margarine and stir vigorously until the flour has absorbed the moisture. And voila! Instant meat paste. This food, which was discovered by necessity during a severe famine, this wholesome spread has proven to be a reliable source of nutrition for everyone from low income earners to weightless space travelers - as long as you use it on whole wheat bread. For the Stampeding Epicure, I'm Jean Paul Leclair.
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