The Roachademy

2007 must have been a traumatic year to get me writing work like this. As it turns out, on the scale of the cosmos, the meek shall not inherit the Earth, but the sleek, who in turn, shall evolve into the next form of intelligent life. Being smaller and vastly more prolific, their lecture halls shall be swarming. (An auditorium. A professor stands on the edge of the top of his dais and transmits his lecture through his wiggling antennae.) Professor: (Beep! Beep!) Today we shall discuss the extinct species of bipedal giants known as kongosaurus rex. (An image of an overweight man on a lawn chair with a can of beer in his hand frightens the students.) Stop that scurrying at once! It's only a diagram! (In a moment calm is restored.) That's better. Now this species proved to be unfit for survival. Can anyone tell me why? Yes, Euripides? Euripides: (Beep! Beep!) Because they didn't have enough legs to escape catastrophes? Professor: Not enough legs, yes, that's one of them. Can you think of another one? Epicurus? Epicurus: (Beep! Beep!) Because they had no natural shell against radiation. Professor: Very good! That's right. They belonged to the dwindling non-exovertebrate family. Can you think of another one? Sophocles? Sophocles: (Beep! Beep!) Because they had poor immune systems. Professor: Right again. These over-sized, lumbering bipeds could catch the flu from merely standing in a sewer, while we not only survive the smell of excrement, but the flavor of it. And what else about them was deficient? Hera, haven't heard from you in a while. (Pause) Can't think of anything? What about their conspicuous manner of movement? Bipeds used locomotion instead of our more advanced lurkamotion. Their preference for being out in the open made them easy prey. Right, that covers our lesson for today. On the matter of our field trip to the bromide reactor, I count over four thousand of you and I have only one permission slip. Please hand in the other one before the end of the week.
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© 2007, 2015. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.