Canon Law

First of all, let me repeat that I have no interest in being a comedian. I am simply an author, though I will be trying myself out as a performing musician in the days ahead. Authors own their original work and anyone who wants to use it must have their written permission. This is to prevent such ugly situations as when a crowd of the author's fans mistake him for a fraud because they received his work from an unauthorized source. It is also meant to assure payment for the author's efforts. After all, if he is to be judged by how much money he has in his pockets, the least we can do is pay him for his work. Are you following this, CBC? I don't want to be funny, I just want to be good. It's your witless, insecure friends who wanted to be funny when they had nothing of their own to offer the world. All I have done is to show how rare talent truly is, in direct contradiction to what you and your corrupt, greedy broadcasting comrades would have us all believe. Last night, as I fell asleep, I stumbled on a few more recollections of past posts which may have been stolen and turned into stand-up comedy. I'd like to address them all within this statement and save myself the time of rewriting them from scratch. The first is a statement I shared about Pachelbel's Canon. I said that it annoyed me to find its chord progression in so many pop songs. I think I may have even illustrated it by listing song titles and lyrics that used these chords, such as Green Day's Basket Case, and following each one with da da-na-na da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na to show how easily they fit on top of Pachelbel's Canon. When did I share that, CBC? Was it as early as 2005? Anyway, I erased it soon after I shared it, out of respect for Green Day, whose music I did not want bashed. Sorry, Green Day. Those jerky comedy frauds only care about themselves. And here's a statement leftover from my 2002-2007 protest of the Iraq War: I'm tired of hearing about how these developing countries are such a massive threat. If Iraq was such a threat, how did US forces take over the whole fucking country in two weeks? Sound familiar? Oh, and here's some good sound psychology for you young couples out there about how to communicate within a relationship... I caught this last violation on a DVD I recently borrowed from the library about the JFK assassination. I can't recall the precise date, but I do recall saying, tongue in cheek, while insisting that there was a second shooter in the Kennedy slaying, that I knew there was a second shooter because I was the second shooter. It was quite spontaneous and I didn't think it was that funny, especially since I wasn't even born yet when Kennedy was assassinated, and that's why I erased it soon after I posted it. But it looks like dozens of TV celebrities thought that it was just hilarious. Apparently when I share these thoughts in my own words and they turn out to amuse large numbers of people, the broadcasters are still not amused until all these people are laughing at me as a wrongly accused fraud on top of laughing right along with me, in agreement with every word I ever shared online. I expect it will be much harder for broadcasters to distract them now from their righteous indignation without the resource of thousands of my own works of humor and scores of my own songs. It might also serve me now to remind my readers that I was a CBC fan. Back when I still watched television, I mostly watched CBC Newsworld, and back when I still listened to the radio, I mostly listened to CBC-FM. That's how I can recall all the veiled putdowns directed against me from their on-air conversations, such as when their science guy, doubtless after reading a rather lackluster effort of mine at science fiction writing in which I referred to an object as being 'about the size of a bread box', phrased his reply to a question in the words 'about the size of a wastepaper basket', and such as when their late night radio host thanked her listeners for their 'letters of support for her saliva'. Yuck. I can't believe I was so naive as to think that these heartless people would ever reciprocate my fondness for them. And I feel the same pain of betrayal by all those comedy shows I once stated as being among my favorites and by all those damned bands I once stated as being among my idols. It is clear to me now that these broadcasters and their stars hate their viewers and fans. The only love that multitudes of trusting people received from their TV's and radios the whole time I was hated came from me.
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