Crime Prevention: An Open Letter to President Obama

I'm going to fashion this note as an open letter to the president. I think it helps to add more authenticity to my claims when I invoke the names of ruling politicians. Good afternoon, Mr President! Have you been keeping up to date with all the crimes of those wicked broadcasters whose support you needed to get yourself elected in 2008, as they tacitly robbed me of everything I ever shared on the internet? I don't hold it against you. I heard that you played a direct role in Beyonce's apprehension and incarceration last year and I am most grateful for your help. I'm sure you feel bad about all this crime and may even have been initially duped into thinking I was the culprit, along with everyone else. President Obama, I really hate your broadcasters' hate. I find it impossible to suppress my outrage over what they have done to me and my life, especially in the last ten years. Remember when you campaigned on a promise of change? Let me tell you how your broadcasters need to change. First of all, why does the Pentagon have so much control over broadcast content? What are you? A fascist state? Do you know what happens when you let generals have the last say on who gets to be star? They turn the stage into a battlefield reserved for mercenaries, with no room for artists. And since generals are always in a warlike frame of mind, the use of stolen intellectual property for propaganda strikes them as some sort of acceptable war measure instead of as the stinking crime it really is. Now let's talk about crime prevention. I think the reason why we have laws is to prevent crime, but these laws are only effective if people can see that offenders are being punished. So I think that suppressing the news of the incarceration and punishment of all these stars who stole my work or committed other crimes against me is as bad as the crimes themselves. And that's what your wicked broadcasters are doing right now. They are encouraging more broadcast crime by covering up the punishments of stars like Madonna and Nickleback and all the other dozens of stars I have already named in this account. They have left the victim alone to report all this news because they wanted their Dateline colleague to be star with the blogs they stole from him through Google and he wouldn't permit it. Maybe if media people weren't so abominable, they wouldn't need my blogs to make themselves into stars. As for the stars, I think it is wrong to be hearing Madonna's Material Girl while shopping for groceries after she went to prison for committing vicious crimes against me. It makes her appear as a little angel when she is a criminal monster. This is bad for everyone. It's too late to talk about crime prevention in my case. Look at the thousands of violations of my copyright showing in this account. If anyone is going to enjoy crime prevention relating to intellectual property in the future, it won't be thanks to those broadcasters who shun the whole affair and pretend it never happened. It will be entirely due to my own superhuman efforts against impossible odds and to the efforts of my loyal readers on my behalf. I don't think that something as essential as crime prevention should demand such a ridiculous, prolonged struggle. President Obama, I think the worst sin being committed by your broadcasters right now is their attempt to trick their trusting subscribers into thinking I am the only victim in this crime. My music was soaring in popularity as it played on new rock stations around the world in 2010. Suddenly it was all gone from the radio and that must have left a lot of music fans disappointed and craving more of the same kind of rock. But your wicked broadcasters want their trusting subscribers to think that only the bands and radio stations were loved and not the music. And they appear to be succeeding. In the last few weeks, I have penned two new compositions which I'm sure would have made it onto the radio as fraud if I had shared them in 2007. And had I not returned to regular online posting in 2010, these songs would still be playing on the radio now, to the delight of my sadly manipulated music fans. But instead, all I hear in my solitary room is flimsy lie after flimsy lie to cover up the appalling poverty of talent among the thousands who played an active role in committing fraud with my work. Did you hear that one about my 'double'? These stupid lies are starting to wear on my sanity. I had temperance on my mind as I wrote the lyrics to my latest song because I must lean heavily on temperance to stop myself from grabbing a thirty-ought-six, going down to CBC headquarters, and sending them all to Hell where they belong. When you consider that your wicked broadcasters offer me no other recourse, I think I deserve some credit for choosing to look upon their evil in a philosophic light, rather than quite understandably indulging in an all out killing spree. Mister President, your broadcasters hurt innocent people. Did you know that some innocent people became violently ill when they found out the truth about Dean and the Crystalids? They actually threw up. Who made them throw up, Mr President? Wasn't it as much your wicked broadcasters as it was the band? When they make innocent people throw up, isn't that hurting them? Mister President, I'm not after glory by urging you to make your broadcasters warn the public about stars who lie to the world with music and comedy. With respect to crime prevention, it doesn't matter who the victim is here, it only matters who the culprits are. Your broadcasters have an obligation to the public to warn them about these monsters. The most irresponsible thing they could possibly do is to let monsters pass for angels. The people deserve to be warned against the treachery of these stars. As for me, I don't want glory for exposing this crime but relief. How many times do these broadcasting creeps want me to suffer at the hands of their dirty stars? Seems like they want me to suffer this injustice every moment of my life, all the way to my grave. Nickleback's fraud with my Fool's Paradise song played on the radio all the way to the day I inadvertently rewrote it late last year. If I ever attain glory, I hope it will be through my music and writing, the same way the frauds were glorified. I'm glad I'm typing this note into the annals of history. That is where it belongs, so that all the generations who follow us can know who the real authors were and who the dirty criminals were. We want our children to live in a better world than this one.
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