Loving Blindness

I first shared this original dialogue on Google in 2007, probably as a comical footnote to my essay on hate. (See 'Sneak Peek at my Unpublished Book' in my statements index. Is Dennis Miller all finished pretending he's intelligent with my words? How about that hack with all my writings about the subconscious mind? Are they incarcerated or 'out on bail' like Jon Stewart was? Have they been severely punished?) To view the other thousands of violations of my copyrights, just have a look at my indexes, accessible from my links at the bottom of the page. Most of the violations are visible in my scripts index, with Saturday Night Live stealing the lion's share of my scripts. Most of my shared work has been plagiarized by corrupt stars on TV since I first authored it in 2007. You'll also find that they are now prohibited from displaying this work as their own. Today I'm going to expand on this dialogue a bit. It needs a little more body. Teacher: Now children, today we're going to talk about the people and things we love. I'll get us started. I love my puppy. He's small and cuddly and filled with energy. No matter how bad my day has been, he can cheer me up just by jumping on me and licking my face when I get home. He helps me to stay in a good mood so that I don't end up turning into a grouch. Now it's your turn. Who wants to go first? Melissa? Melissa: I hate crossing guards. They think I'm too dumb to know when it is safe to cross the street. Teacher: Melissa, that's not what we're talking about today. We're talking about things we love. Dexter, why don't you help us get this conversation started. Dexter: I hate girls. They always beat me at arm wrestling. Teacher: Dexter, did you hear what I said? I asked you to talk about what you love, not what you hate. Please pay attention. Kristen, you're a smart girl. Can you give me what I asked for? Kristen: I hate Sheila's hair. Sheila: Hey! Teacher: I'm very disappointed in you, Kristen. Yes, Brad? Brad: I hate our dodgeball uniforms. (The teacher rolls his eyes.) Why do our school colors have to be purple and pink? Teacher: All right, now that you got that out of your system, can I at least gather from you that you love dodgeball? Brad: Not if we have to wear those faggy uniforms. Teacher: Maybe I should approach this another way. Lisa, I notice you do very well in physical education class. What sports do you love? Volleyball? Tennis? Frisbee? Lisa: Frisbee! I HATE frisbee, ever since a frisbee flew into the windshield of my father's car and killed him! (She starts weeping.) Teacher: All right, all right. I'm sorry I mentioned it. Now pull yourself together! Mary, maybe you can get this discussion properly started. Mary: I hate David Skerkowski. He's always crying and complaining on the internet. And he can't even make any money from writing hit songs. Teacher: Mary, that will not do! And shame on you for hating a poor victim like that! Don't you know that he's mentally disabled? Can't anyone in this classroom talk to me about what they love instead of what they hate? Anyone at all? Yes, Gaius Ummidius Quadratus Sertorius Serverus? You have your hand up... Gaius Ummidius Quadratus Sertorius Serverus: I really hate my name. It's too long to fit into forms and no one pronounces it right except my parents. Teacher: THAT'S NOT WHAT I ASKED YOU FOR! ARE YOU STUPID OR SOMETHING? HOW MANY TIMES MUST I REPEAT THIS QUESTION? CAN'T YOU SHAKE OFF THE INFLUENCE OF YOUR CORPORATE TELEVISION PROGRAMMING FOR ONE CRUMBY MINUTE? I WANT YOU TO TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU LOVE, NOT WHAT YOU HATE! DO YOU UNDERSTAND? Felecia, can you answer this question properly before we break for recess? Felicia: I love recess. (The buzzer sounds and the children bolt for the door.) Teacher: (Sigh!) I hate this job.
Comedy Sketches Cartoons Arguments Copyright Issues Lyrics Poems
More Scripts Statements Songs
© 2007, 2015. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.