The Balogne Bulletin

Maybe this will help my readers see how my content would have been prized by the writers of SNL's 'Weekend Update'. Good afternoon. Today on the Balogne Bulletin, the government says we must reduce our urban population by eighty percent. Responsible city dwellers are urged to volunteer for official resettlement, a program offering free rail service. The rise in supernatural disasters around the world may be due to the internet. A geological investigation can find no other cause for last week's hail of fire and brimstone. As online content approaches apocalyptic levels of depravity, citizens trapped indoors must limit their recreation to watching DVD's. An ambitious new regulation has been added to the labor code. From now on, only workers who submit to being implanted with a microchip will enjoy full job security - until a flashing red light appears on their foreheads, indicating termination. Turning to celebrity news, a prominent actor says he was 'just acting' when he committed perjury. Charged with trafficking in white slavery, he says he felt free to fabricate his testimony on the grounds that most of his victims were asian. And a health committee has made it mandatory for drivers to become organ donors. Accused of backstabbing, the committee chairman responded by saying that it takes guts to make people do the right thing.
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© 2007, 2015. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.