The Defector

Voice: As an unlikely defector from a free and prosperous country, Elgin Forrest Grimsby stood out in the eyes of the politically oppressed girls of his new homeland. And he liked to propose to them over dinner. (Cold War Smolensk. After a family dinner with her relatives, Grimsby finds the courage to discreetly propose to Nadia.) Grimsby: What do you say, Nadia? Will you make me the happiest man in the whole wide world? Nadia: Marry you? (She laughs mercilessly.) You? Did you think I would be attracted to you just because you're a foreigner? Why did you need to come here? What is America doing? Shipping us their undesirables? Why don't you go home? Voice: It took a few months to heal from Nadia's rejection, but then a friend introduced Grimsby to Sonia. (A restaurant. Grimsby leans forward and whispers into his dinner date's ear.) Sonia: Marry you? Did you think we had a relationship? (She bursts out in cruel laughter.) Marry you? Why, I wouldn't even sleep with you! You only speak baby Russian and my English professor says even your English is poor. What are you, some kind of American riffraff? Why don't you go home? Voice: Sonia's answer was crushing, but then Grimsby's employer hired the charming Petunia. (A workplace cafeteria. Grimsby leans forward and whispers into Petunia's ear.) Petunia: Marry you? (She laughs.) Hey, everyone! Grimsby wants to marry me! He must be in love with me! (Hoots and catcalls.) The only American in the U.S.S.R. without a car wants to marry me! What did I do to deserve this honor? Grimsby: Stop it, Petunia! Stop it or I swear I'll fucking kill someone! Petunia: Kill someone? A failure like you? You couldn't even kill yourself. Voice: Drawn from thousands of hours of KGB surveillance tapes, the Defector delivers the ultimate Cold War romance.
Comedy Sketches Cartoons Arguments Copyright Issues Lyrics Poems
More Scripts Statements Songs
© 2007, 2015. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.