Stars in His Thighs

I first shared this original dialogue on Google in 2007, probably to illustrate how impossible the industry has made it for me to advance with my work in the last twenty years. But those frauds who stole from me were turned into instant superstars. The thousands of corporate violations of my copyrights since 2007 are visible in my indexes, accessible from my links at the bottom of the page. Most of these violations plagiarized my scripts, with the lion's share going to Saturday Night Live, though I think MAD TV stole this one. Producer: We love your work but we still need to know a few more things about you before we can be sure that you can handle the pressures of stardom. Artist: What do you need to know? Producer: Come with me. (They rise and go to another room where a mechanical treadmill has been set up.) Would you stand over there please? (The artist takes his place on the machine and the producer turns it on. The artist's legs start working.) How do you feel? Artist: A little confused, but I'm managing. Producer: I see. Would you hold out your arms please? (The artist complies and the producer weighs his arms down with a bundle.) How about now? Artist: It's a little sweaty, but I can take it. Producer: You can? What if I do this? (The producer swings behind the artist, picks up a crowbar, and deals the artist a blow to the leg with it. The artist cries out and starts to limp.) Problems? Artist: No, no. I'll be all right. I'm sure I can walk it off. Producer: You're doing just great. Now for the final test. (He presses a button, releasing a ten ton weight that falls down on the artist and crushes him. The camera shakes up and down in conjunction with a loud boom and a brief silence follows.) Oh well, I guess he couldn't handle it.
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© 2007, 2015. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.